Yup! It’s Valentine’s Day Weekend!!!! What does that mean to you? Do you jump for joy? Shudder in dread? Or not care at all? Since this day is supposed to be about love, I want to look at that for a minute. I believe Truth/Love/God is our True North. It is to Love/Truth we revert to if we allow ourselves. The interesting thing is that too often we do not.
We have found many ways to interrupt, block, stifle, repress, camouflage, twist, corrupt, and mess around with our access to Love/Truth. I must emphasise that I see Love/Truth/God/Source to be impervious to all that stuff. LOVE stands constant, always ready, unmoved, unchanged, and FOREVER TRUE. It is we, humans, who move about, get distracted, forget, doubt, and become fearful. We often CLAIM BOUNDLESS and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, but by virtue of our make-up, we often layer numerous boundaries, conditions, and other emotions on our LOVE. Here’s the thing:
BOUNDARIES guide our physical and emotional interaction while honouring our Truth/Source/God/Love.
CONDITIONS are sentinels that maintain our boundaries.
EMOTIONS are messengers that are always on the move – letting us know how close or far we are from our Love/Truth/God/Source.
What ends up happening is we get it mixed up a bit…..
BOUNDARIES become walls that interfere with or even prevent our physical and emotional interactions.
CONDITIONS become ways to manipulate others. So rather than clarifying and fortifying your own boundaries, your conditions (sentinels) become focused on everybody and everywhere else (e.g. Well, if Angela did this, then I would be able to…..or I would be so much happier if Joseph would only….)
EMOTIONS begin to be ignored, misinterpreted, re-directed, and sometimes held onto so tightly they cannot do their job. Emotions are not meant to be held on to! They are meant to be acknowledged and then released. Experiencing and releasing our emotions allows us to re-orient, be ready, and have space for the next incoming emotion (messenger). We often “stuff” our emotions to be ignored or dealt with later. This can get chaotic and confusing – much like a room full of chattering messengers would ☺
What also ends up happening is we begin to use these boundaries, conditions, and emotions to compensate for our lack of connection to LOVE. You blame (fill name here) for not feeling lovable. I convince myself that my past relationship prevents me from being truly loving. We impose conditions on our partners to compensate for not feeling the LOVE. We use our emotions (lust, rage, sorrow, etc) to make up for our lack of connection to LOVE. Our emotions can only lead us back. They cannot replace LOVE.
Now what does this all have to do with Valentine’s Day? Let’s put consumerism and materialism to the side for a minute; and just look at the day itself. It’s meant to be a reminder of Love. However, it has become a day that is often used to make up for the last 364 days in one way or another. Not only is that a LOT of pressure – it is unrealistic. If our connection to our own source of LOVE is out of whack, one day full of flowers, chocolates, steak, sex, jewellery and what-not will not bring it back in sync in any long-term way. So how do we reconnect to Love?
- Be clear on what LOVE looks and feels like to you. I’m not referring to the movies and book romantic love. I’m referring to the “I AM WHOLE AS I AM RIGHT NOW; ALL OF ME IS SEEN & ACCEPTED RIGHT NOW; I AM LOVED AS-IS”-type of love. (e.g. Mother/father exchanging a gaze with baby; Exchanging a gaze with your animal companion; The gaze exchanged between lovers at the height of vulnerability, passion, and release).
- Choose a time (whether you choose Valentine’s Day – or any other time) to remind yourself of how you feel when you are in LOVE. Do for yourself FIRST the actions, words, behaviours that elicit that feeling of LOVE in you (e.g. Self-caress/touch; Pampering; Your body and/or mind engaged with something that thoroughly delights and frees you – for no other reason than IT MAKES YOU HAPPY)
- Now who connects you to that same feeling? Truly SEE this person (or people) and connect with them from that same feeling of LOVE that you connected with on your own. Truly SEEING yourself and those you love is so important in your expression and experience of LOVE. This allows you to love authentically & express that LOVE clearly in the moment – with less muss & fuss. Your expression may still come through flowers, sex, food, jewellery – who knows! – and really it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you connect to LOVE, SEE the person with whom you interact, and share that LOVE.
We come into this world as WHOLE, LOVING & TRUSTING BEINGS. Therefore it is ALWAYS a state we can revisit. No matter what life deals us, this state of origin cannot be erased. If you cannot remember what LOVE looks and feels like for you, reach out to people ((and animal companions) that can help remind you ☺
Much love and many blessings! Keda